pulling myself together

I remember how it all started. It was sweet and happy.

I remember how it ended. I feel numb and lost now.

Did you have it all planned? When you will tell me let's just be friend. It just happened too abruptedly. I am not a device, can't change mode instantly. I cannot switch from a lover to a friend in seconds.

I don't know how bad you feel. Or maybe you don't even feel a thing, because everything sound so easy. You kept asking me not to cry. Tears don't roll down for no reason. I am not a baby, I don't cry when I am hungry.

I don't want to victimise myself, but I had already done it. I must stop. Not as if you will sympathise me. You know what can help me to ease the pain. You know what I want, but you chose not to do anything. Human greed and selfishness explain it all. I knew you have a girl friend and you are leaving for home. But I wasn't the only one who started all these. It takes two to tango. FUCK! I hope the thought of hatre won't develope in my head, it will spoil all the memories I have.

How long is long enough for me to heal from these shit?

Gastric pain is irritating. Medication don't seems to work very well.

Work has been quite slow these 2 weeks. I want to finish everything asap but seems so difficult to do anything, even moving the mouse.