Here it comes again

I have been deceiving myself about everything. Living in denial, I am best at it right now I guess.
I thought we can make our relationship works as long as we put in effort.
I thought you are into me.
I thought you are going to break up with your girl friend
I thought you would like to see me visiting you
I thought….

I can’t feel your sincerity and desire to build our relationship. Is there a us, you always ask. Is there? I wonder? Do you want it to happen?

I just want to hear you say, let’s end it. It”s just a fling, it didn’t mean anything to me. I am not into you. I want to hear it, so my heart will be broken and I will have the strength and courage to cut all the ties we have. I am so weak. Why are you so selfish? Everyone wants to be angel, tell me all the beautiful things which are not going to happen. Who is going to tell the ugly truth?

You may think I am a psycho how can I fall so deep just after we spent one month together. I had a lot of happy memories. thats why

Decision making

Wanted to give someone a chance to be friends again, but he just proved my decision on shaking him off was right. When we started working, environment we are at, people we meet change us a lot. Good or bad. I wonder did he changed so much that I can’t even recognize him anymore and even willing to give up our friendship? Or was I the changing one?

Lots of decisions making to be made in our lives, there are people affecting (or trying to) the ultimate decision. Do we have to listen to them? Is my decision wrong? Why do they bother to interfere, while they can’t even fix their own problems? I guess to interpret in a positive way, they care for me. But, do I need someone to help in choosing my path?

It has been raining since morning. Make me feel extra lazy. I really need to save some money!

lazy daisy

Phone rang exceptional early than expected. The voice from the other part of the world was extraordinarily comforting.
I really miss you.


It’s a really lazy Saturday!

something new

Writing blog is something new for me. Its a new beginning.

I want to tell everyone how confused I am now.

He has gone home and left me with lots of sweet memories. But, is it enough? Am I asking for too much? Shall I kick him out of my life to start afresh? He didn't give me any answer I want to hear.

When everyone tells you its wrong, does it really mean I have to walk away? Questions filled my mind. All I want to do now is to fly there and be with him.

Its like in cartoons, angel and devil arguing above my head.

I am like a kid holding on to a candy, knowing its melted but refues to throw it away. Painful.