Sadness

I hope moving to a new place will bring me friends who are sincere, and they will do what they say.

I was not a happy girl when I went for my last trip, I survived.. but not very happy. Whatever happened to me in the interview was kinda ridiculous. I missed my friends and family the most when I was all alone in a awfully strange place. Crying alone in hotel room was not the most glam thing I can do when I was traveling. I hoped for someone I knew will turn up at least to offer me a listening ear, but he didn't. Carried stuff back and forth was worthless. Things I brought sat in my luggage like reject goods waiting for someone to pick up.

I blame myself for stupidly believing promises from people over and over again. I never learn. I have to learn. Maybe I am not such a good friend to be with? Maybe I have to learn how to handle friendship like others? Maybe.... they are just being nasty to me? Simply don't care how the others feel, I have to learn not to care so much. I often consider how other feel before I act. Why can't others do that to me too? Is it too much to ask for? Until now, thinking of that will sadden me. I can't be such a cool girl to act out I don't care. Promises are made to be broken but I have never break any promise I made to you. You didn't want this to happen? nah... you CHOSE not to contact me or reply my call/sms. I really don't know how I can react towards your action. Maybe you can tell me what I should do? as I don't know what is in your head or maybe how would you react if I do that to you. I have nothing more to say to you. You chose to break the remaining friendship and you did it. Congratulations!

Post Zurich Trip

Interview went well and I passed the committee for admission of PhD, but guess what they told me after I've gone through everything? "sorry jen, you do not have Msc, we can't take u in to do our PhD program". You can imagine how I feel. You can imagine how I swallow this piece of hard cold fact? Disappointment, devastated, angry (to be frank, not really), humiliated and waste of my time and effort. They informed me they are fully aware that I do not possess a Msc so then... why spend the money to bring me in at the first place. Ya.. they spent more than a thousand Euro to buy me a hope then burst it. How fun? Anyway, I am grateful they brought me in, I gained experience and become more confident when meeting people for interviews.

Anyhow, I had fun with all the other candidates. Drinks drinks drinks every night! I don't remember a night that I was sober after 8! I didn't really have time to explore the city one more time due to the interviews lined up and all the visits + the hotel I was staying in was not near to the place where I had all the interviews. Another eye opening experience with the europeans! I met so many wonderful people this time and I wish them success in the future.

After friday nite, I finally what is man whore and slut! Don't ask me who... they know who they are and they will never read this blog! Anyway, I had my fun and they had theirs, sometimes I know just now to respect other people a little more than they should.



We managed to grab a train ticket to Germany for a wine fest. It was a good one. None I will ever experience in Singapore as it's just too hot here.

I survived with all my new friends there. Don't really need anyone you know there to help at all.