A lonely weekend ahead

Little things happening to me these few days have been overwhelming. How could this be? Mindless little incidents, some even not worth remembering. I don't understand. Is it the time of the month when all the hormones are up to make me ultra sensitive and emotional?

Talk is cheap. Be it lie or truth, it made me feel relieved when I heard the words from you. Was that antidote? I don't think so. Just another stronger dose of drug to numb me, really.

I had so many things I want to share on Friday night over a long waited and well deserved dinner. Yes, it ended like a disaster, not exactly ended as it never happened indeed a disaster for us both.

Funny when human has such strong will power sometimes like to fight illnesses or something. It's ironic that we can never fight relationship problems. We become losers, knelt down to surrender, shamelessly admit we are weak and useless. Heart, mind and action will never coordinate.

Antidote

Bad things have been occurring to friends and myself. What my friends and my dear cousin had gone through, its worrisome. I do not know what I can do to help them feel better. I have enough shit for myself, really. It may not have exploded right in front of me, but I am getting affected.

Is this really what is life about? Ups and downs, but I have seen all the bad things rather than the good ones.

Somehow, I feel like I have locked myself into a small little room without knowing what to do inside. I just sit down and wait for something to happen. Messing up inside my head.

Saw how my friends suffer when they leave their love ones. I think how we ended would be best for me. I don't think I can live like this. Counting down to when we will meet again. I will be destroyed. You might have seen how it ended but I didn't. Did you think that is the best way out for us? I was asked constantly if I have gotten over you and the whole thing. Yes, I have. Out of sight is out of mind, and it has been working for me. I may need another dose of antidote soon.

Before sunrise

Love this movie. Before sunrise starred Ethan Hawke and Julie Deply.

Love is when two lonely people get together.

When Celine broke up with her ugly ex-boyfriend, she became obessed with him although she didn't love him. So true.

I had a good and quiet weekend because I am so broke. Have been overspending for the past two months. I have to sit down and do some financial planning.

Addiction

Addiction is defined as the condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or involved in something. This something possibily refer to anything, smoking, things you do, a person or whatever thing you can think of.

I guess the most important thing is how to quit? It's hard. When situation arise, one mind becomes so weak, you just follow what your heart wants to do, not listening to your concious mind at all. Is there any help group out there to help if one is addicted to a person? What can help you to relief the symptom of addiction? Looking at on what I have had, what more can I ask for? I am greedy, I know. Who's not?

I have been going to work empty headed for the past month. My mind wonder off to seek for new opportunities. No luck so far. I can't afford to quit before gotten something in my hand. I complete tasks given by boss. Had a poster submitted and accepted. I should be happy, but I am not.

nonsense

Progress in learning german:3%
Progress in learning french: 3.5%

It's soooooo hard to pick up a language. Personally I prefer German as it is easier to learn, just pronounce whatever you read.

Am feeling terrible! Dizzy head, non stop running + block nose, painful throat. I have not felt so bad for a long long time.

I wonder how long a person can keep a secret. Telling someone a secret is like throwing one with a baggage. He or she is s'pose to hold it as long as possible.