If given to you, what will you do?

When I realised something terribly wrong happened to my friend, I felt helpless. There are always more things I can do to help a friend, to make his life slightly better. Of course everyone has their limits, there is ONLY this much you can do to help. I can't do anything but only feel sorry. Indeed it's my emotional burden.

I have completed all the tests and applied for documents required for the PR thing. It's really tiring to prepare all these, I hope everything is worth it. A constant reminder that the other side of the world may not be better than what I have now. At least, I made my choice. Whatever I get, I will have no regrets.

Forget what we're told, before we get too old

I am addicted to chasing cars by snow patrol. Whenever I listen to this song I will think of McDreamy in grey's anatomy and of course, I will think of my McDreamy.

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

How I wish we can just lay down and enjoy what we have, it all sounds like a luxury to me. I just know things will never change for us at all.

I am still having nightmares, it's really disturbing. Endless chasing.

If I sum up all the time we spend together, I enjoy 20% of it and as for the rest, I am living in fear. Will you ever go through all the hurdles I am going to (or will) have? I really hope so but who am I bluffing? If he is really McDreamy, will I do what Meredith does? Life is short, why can't I just do what I want?

Where does this lead to? What do I want? I don't know. I am confused.

Enjoy the ride

Today, I woke up feeling I will get over you soon. I don't know why but I feel it. It's good... for me. There will not be any hatred and stress. I am enjoying the ride. You warned me you will get addicted to this. I know, because I am an addict way before you even start to feel the addiction growing in your system. Being so careful about every little detail on things we do is really tiring. It gives me nightmares. But I still like every minute we spend together.

It could happen to anyone, as long as one party is willing to scarify.